♥ Monday, March 30, 2009♥

hey ppl, it's been awhile haven it... dun worry i'm fine, not dead yet, still alive somewhere in the corner of the world... been trying my best to figure out the concept on life, and my final findings is "Nothing"... well there's pretty much nothing you could do about... life is the way it is... every off day that i have is really consider a thinking day for me... and through these days i've learnt and know alot... i am on the road of becoming someone who doesn't ask for too much in life...cos we all know things don't normally turn out the way we want it to be... so go easy on our life, don't pressure it too much, we have a long way to live with it after all rite?

and don't ever regret what you have done in your life, life is too short to be looking back and grieve over it all the time... i'm not saying never to look back, a certain amount of grieve is ok but don't waste too much time thinking about the past... learn from the past and live with the present... but also dun think too much of the future, cos i think if u have too much thinking of the future it causes or brings more fear in your life... i used to fear that what i am doing now will not give me a good life in the future, so i try and try to think what is it that i wan in the future so that i can start on it... but y pressurize yourself... it's not like future will come in the next 2 seconds... we still have a long way to go man... take your time, work your way up... if you screwed it, start over again, learn from it, i'm sure you will tell yourself not to make the same mistake again...

enjoy your life, be happy with what u are doing, that's what matters... be happy, it's your life, no one can deprive that happiness from you... u own it!

♥ Saturday, February 28, 2009♥

it's been 4days since i last saw or talked to you... the feelings is still lingering there but is gradually fading away... i praise myself for being the way i am now... at least i dun feel so much for you... days before these 4 days i recall my encounter with you, they were jus mere friendly greetings exchange, small common talks and nothing more... nothing significant... i guess if this continue on for another week, my feelings for you will be gone... and we will be back to the normal basic, friends...

probably another reason that is helping me to forget about you, will be this guy A. hmm... no feelings for him, but everyone else in his dept says that he like me... i took it as a joke, but he seems very happy about it... going around telling other ppl i'm his gf... WHICH I AM NOT!!... probably u have heard of it, that's y u are being less closer to me... but whatever helps, i'm taking it... A. is funny guy i guess, i mean he's been making me laughing all the time, i treat him as a colleague lah... but i don't rule the possibility of being with him in the near future... well anything is possible rite? let's jus allow nature to take it's course, i'm sure there's a reason for everything... i hope...

♥ Sunday, February 15, 2009♥

i should be happy that my valentine day was spent wif you, partly... though both of us are busy wif work but we still get to see each other on that day itself... believe me, i was really very very happy... but at the same time, it felt as though it's the end of everything... perhaps i was over sensitive before, thinking that u have your concern on me, thinking that i was somebody to you, thinking that u are over protective of me... i was quite happy that you asked if i was sick, when i wasn't talking... silly of me isn't it? every night i was wishing and hoping for the tiniest bit that u will be interested... but i guess it's jus not meant to be this way... if there is a start, it would have start, it wouldn't have dragged till this long... in a way i am feeling very draggy with this... i thought i could go on, jus giving and wait for my returns... but i guess it's my own wishing... i dun think it will ever ever happen...

i was being asked by my colleague y am i looking for a serious relationship when i am so young and i have nothing to lose... hmm maybe because i dun wan to waste anymore time playing dumb games, either you give me your all or dun bother sharing part of it to me...

you are angry when other guys come playing with me
you are angry when i dun listen to u or look at you while u are talking
you will only give in to me when i plead you
you will ask me to do your silly things but never once thank me
you take it for granted that i must obliged whatever u ask me to

so am i a human or jus a toy in your hand? if u treat me like an object than y am i being so nice to you, thinking for you all the time, scared you will be angry, scared you will be tired... if you are not treating me the right way, then y should i treat you right?

i should stop all these now, it's not worth my time... i will get over you, definitely!!

♥ Sunday, January 25, 2009♥

beyond stress is what how i would describe my life... i have no idea what i am doing, and why am i doing it... i jus know that if this goes on for another week or so, i would definitely kill myself... so i thought fortunate for me, i jus started my one week leave, this should give me some time to cool down and stay away from work stress rite? but but that fucking bitch in my house have been complaining and complaining... jus b'cos she have to prepare alot of things for new year, but hey who told her to? nobody expect a perfect menu and luncheon, it's jus a simple meal with the closest family, she stressed herself up and expect us not to led a good life either... i hate her man...

so instead of getting relaxed my mind got more stressed out, the space in my head gets tighter and tighter, i'm really going to explode soon!!!! but what am i to do? leave them and spend chinese new year my own? as if i nv thought about that, cos the main reason i'm still holding back is b'cos of my father... if i were to leave, he will be the only one suffering all this pain...

~.::.....::.....::.~

there's nv one day that i nv think about you, u are so near beside me yet i hav to force myself to leave such a great distance from you... someone ever ask if i do love you, my answer is yes... but i know for the fact that i love you more than u love me... and also for the fact that because of our race, religion and how much u detest singapore... we can nv be together for long... i will feel sad for not being able to be with you, but i will sure feel worst if i ever need to break up with you... so it is better to keep the current status that we have right now... and as i am determine to leave the hotel by may and pursue my studies, i mustn't let anything or anyone shake my firm stand... i must leave this place....

i miss my old life, where everything is fearless and carefree...

♥ Thursday, January 01, 2009♥

Iron and Wine- Flightless bird, American Mouth

I was a quick wet boy
Diving too deep for coins
All of your straight blind eyes
Wide on my plastic toys

And when the cops closed the fair
I cut my long baby hair
Stole me a dog-eared map
And called for you everywhere

Have I found you?
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping
Or lost you?
American mouth
Big bill looming

Now I’m a fat house cat
Cursing my sore blunt tongue
Watching the warm poison rats
Curl through the wide/white fence cracks
Kissing on magazine photos
Those fishing lures thrown in the cold and clean
Blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found you?
Flightless bird, brown hair bleeding
Or lost you?
American mouth
Big bill, stuck going down

♥ Wednesday, December 31, 2008♥

i've become such a twilight fan every since i watched that remarkable movie... i love it so so much!!! and i definitely love edward cullen!!!! it was a very good love movie, if that is wat u are looking for, not much of a action thriller movie, mayb cos it's just the begining of the 3 more coming up... twilight, new moon, eclipse and breaking dawn...

i like how edward is so straight and direct on how he felt towards bella swan... how protective he was, how thoughtful he was... "perfect" character could have branded on him easily... and dun get me wrong, i said i love edward cullen, not robert pattinson(the guy who played the character)...

i have to admit when i watch the movie, part of my mind thought of "him", if you know who i meant... he went back to his hometown to celebrate new year with his family... i dunno if i'm over thinking again, but he could have left work earlier for the party yesterday, yet he stayed alittle longer, playing his handphone and playing the laptop(without internet access)... that is usually not him... he could have left, i swear... i told him to go home since there was nothing he can do here, he said wait awhile more... though i really didn't want him to go, but i have really controlled my emotion and learnt to let go bit by bit... he did small little gesture like, touching my hair, stroke my head, look at me while i read(i could tell)... my colleague got so mad at us saying, "i dun wan to talk already lah, u two dating there nobody listening to what i am saying" hahaha that was really very funny....

i really really do like you, in fact i really love him... he is someone that i can love and hate at the same time, someone who make my heart goes faster and slower at the same time, someone whom i told myself not to think of yet i longed to see him every minute, someone whom i told to leave but not wanting to lose sight of him at any minute...

i love u, period.